The summer is almost over and that fact caused deep thoughts inside my head. It was not the calmest summer for me to be honest. A lot of thinking was going on, and still is. When I’m writing this post there are exactly twelve days left till summer holidays officially end for me and new school year begins. I am scared. Because I don’t know what’s waiting for me. You are probably asking why am I so scared? The reason is very simple. This year which is behind the corner is my Senior Year. I graduate.
This year which is behind the corner is my Senior Year. I graduate.
Wow. I can’t believe I really wrote it. I didn’t really relize it until I wrote it. These words scare the hell out of me. Can it only be possible? I remember it like yesterday when I was barely 15, probably even less and High School Musical: Senior year was in theaters. I’m sorry, but let me be a little bit sentimental just for a second. It was my bible! I really loved it. It was the first time when I learnt how to say the ‘last year of high school’ in English, even though it was very confusing for me because the word ‘senior’ means in Czech more as a ‘retiree’ than a young person who just finished school, haha! I was imagining myself how would I look when I will be 18 and will be graduating high school..? I believed so bad that I will be an adult girl who knows exactly what she wants. Just like Taylor from HSM.
Now here I am, 18 years old, senior year on my back. But the reality is a little bit different. I wish I can say that I know exactly what to do and that I am 100% ready to kick the final exam’s and everybody’s ass! But unfortunately I am not just yet. I am trying, I swear. But as easy as I have dreamt it for myself, with the time going by and me becoming older and more aware of a real life, I start to realize more and more how hard it really is.
So, sittin’ on my grandparent’s porch and sippin’ my orange juice while watchin’ sun going down, I try to recall and remember for only a second what it was to be a kid like. When I was little I played with myself that I am a new person every single day. A teacher, doctor, pilot, vet, hotel manager, captain of a steamship, kindergarten teacher, owner of a dog hotel. Just everything you can imagine. And I am not joking. The box under my desk full of treasure which will never be thrown away is my proof. Oh how easy I saw everything. Naive little girl. I didn’t really realize it, because I had no idea how the adult world works, but deep inside I couldn’t just wait to be a big girl like my mommy and do all these things for real. I only remember that I couldn’t choose only one profession, haha.
Where did this child’s enthusiasm go?
I think that the main reason why I am so terrified is, that I am not this little girl anymore. I have grown up. It’s not only a game if I will be this or that when I grow up. No, nooo. This time it’s for real.
So I got to the point when I have to ask myself this very annoying question which we all have been asked once at least and which I have never liked and today I hate it even more.
What do I want to be when I grow up?
Big decisions are behind the corner and that Year with capital ‘Y’ is knocking on my door louder and louder. I know this year will be hard and difficult and I will be stressed out more than ever. Not only because of final exams but most importantly because of the decision about my further studies at university going hand in hand with the well-known question ‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’
But I’ll make it, as I always did. We all will make it and get through this temporary mess. The struggle during the whole process will be huge but eventually everything will fall into the right place. Because as the famous quote says:
“Nothing good and worth having comes easy.”
Hope you have an amazing day and if you are going through the same thing let me know your thoughts, and those who are already behind it could share some advices how to survive this mess, haha!
Thank you for stopping by and taking time for reading this story of another part of my life.